Gottman Method Couples Therapy is based on over 40 years of research to find out what makes relationships work, what helps and what doesn’t. By paying attention to the Gottman Sound Relationship House, couples can learn to become better friends, how to manage conflict and support each other so that they can have a long, fulfilling and loving relationship together.
The Sound Relationship House.
1. Build Love Maps: Get to know your partner’s world.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration: This is the antidote for contempt and here we focus on building affection and respect as well as showing admiration and appreciation.
3. Turn Towards: During the hustle and bustle of everyday life we quite often miss the opportunity when our partner attempts to connect with us. Couples need to meet each others attempts to connect emotionally to strengthen the bond between them.
4. The Positive Perspective: When couples start to struggle in their relationship, their ability to see the positives in the relationship and/or partner is negatively affected, it gets easier to see what’s wrong with their partner (rather than what’s right).
5. Manage Conflict: It’s not whether there is conflict in the house (because conflict is natural and can be a positive thing) but it’s how we handle or manage that conflict. By understanding what triggers (the escalation of) the conflict, we can approach it in a more positive and constructive way.
6. Make Life Dreams Come True: When there’s an atmosphere of mutual respect, understanding and willingness to negotiate with a win-win attitude, couples can share, explore and find ways (together) to make those dreams come true.
7. Create Shared Meaning: This is where couples explore their stories about their relationship and start to redefine or rewrite those stories to into something they both want and strive for. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing your partner is right beside you, working with and supporting you.
The Two Pillars, Trust & Commitment.
Trust: This is where couples know that their partner is not only looking after both peoples interests and not just their own.
Commitment: This means commitment to both the relationship and your partner, agreeing to do what you can to bring positive influences and characteristics to the relationship.
In summary, it’s really about stabilising the house from the ground floor and working up. Just like when renovating a house, as you move from floor to floor it gets easier to work on the next (because the foundations beneath are solid). Bad habits start falling away replaced by conscious, caring and loving behaviour, nurturing and supporting not only the relationship but each other as well.
