Things you can do before relationship counselling
- Show appreciation whenever you can.
- Start to listen in a way that not only shows you are but with the intent to try to understand what they are trying to say.
- Reconnect with your partner by finding out what their likes, dreams and goals are, try to talk about how you could help.
- Learn (or remind yourself) to self soothe. Don’t escalate the conflict, whether it be verbally or non verbally.
- Conflict is normal, just try to understand what’s happening for your partner and stay away from criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
- Stay away from contempt, contempt kills relationships. Whether it’s minimising or discounting your partners feelings or rolling your eyes, it doesn’t help and sends the wrong message.
- When your partners tries to connect, show interest, it shows they’re important to you.
- Try to say at least five nice things a day to your partner.
- Try to repair the damage made during conflict by apologising and acknowledging the behaviour with the aim to not repeat it.
- Research. Find books (and read them) that will help you find better ways to relate. It will only help when you do go to relationship counselling.
